Relationships: Neverending search for that elusive perfect mate...

I've had to do some soul searching lately..

I've met a guy who seemed compatible with me *mind you I didn't know I was looking!* he takes a strong stand on an issue that relates to me. Basically I'm a drinker, not a heavy drinker, but a drinker to be sure. I enjoy unwinding with a few glasses of wine when I feel like it.

The second time we chated, I was into my 2nd drink, he expressed just how unacceptable this way *ok red neon light going off, right?* but I hushed it away, saying oh well he couldn't begrudge me having a few drinks, right? Wrong! I ended up getting feisty over some "joking he says" remarks he made & then it just escalated into down right pissed off! :finger: in fact I ended up continuing drinking to spite him at the time! I was so pissed at him I could have spit nails! The topic was about having a perfectly working labido & me NOT using it. Arghhhh he commented what good was I to anyone if I wasn't going to put out etc... *all kidding he says* give me a break, there were no signs that he was kidding & when I spoke my mind he wasn't offended, oh no, he was amused & egged my anger on! We parted with me thinking he was a controlling jerk & him thinking I was a feisty little minx that he could tame.

I woke up the next morning & as insistant I was with myself that I was NOT out of line, yes I may have been more annoyed than usual without the drink in me, but not out of line... He then made me feel so guilty, dropping lines like, oh it's my fault you were drinking! You were drunk that's why you reacted the way you did!!! Don't do that on MY time again!!!

I felt guilty, I admit, thinking in the end that; yes my reaction was probably altered because of the alcohol in my system... The more I've mulled it over though, I've realised we're just on different paths & wave lengths & someone with such strong opinions on something I will NOT be changing to please someone else, is NOT for me.

This was such a hard decision, but I know I've done the right thing.

What are your thoughts on whether we could & or should change for someone?

Relationships I believe should roll smoothly, to a point, well you should certainly understand the other if you expect to be able to hold said relationship together, you need to be in the same head space... should treasure the other. :hrt:

Two reasons I shouldn't be answering this.

1. I'm single. Like how successful does that make me in terms of dating.

2. I'm a bloke. Not the most sensitive or knowledgeable of creatures on such a subject.

But sweetheart one thing I know for sure is that compromising for someone is fine. Changeing isn't.

Thats my conclusion too Luka.

Thanks for the feedback 8) :)

If someone is telling you after two chats what you should and shouldn't be doing I'd be pulling the plug and bolting in the other direction. If they are that pushy that early on then what the hell are they going to be like a couple of months down the track when things start getting more serious.

Here have a bourbon on me :drink:

:drink: :drink: :drink: :has 3 & broods: j/k I totally made the right decision & concur 100% Dave

And avoid drummers. Shonky bastards they are.

On behalf of all drummers :finger: :lol!: or am I missing something?

Certainly can't speak for all drummers, but a recent past relationship does not shine a brilliant light lol

Don't change for anyone hun. Once you start it becomes like a domino effect and you wake up one day and don't even recognise the person who is looking back at you in the mirror. His loss. Move on. :hrt:

Thanks Mish :hrt:

Did I misread the opening post or have you only chatted on a few occasions? Online or in person? Surely you can't know if you are compatible with the person after a few conversations. I agree compromise is the key but to be worried and disagreeing about such things so early in a relationship would be an issue of concern to me.

I think it's possible to feel a connection with someone almost automatically. Sometimes however it's only when you start scratching the surface do you discover that you weren't so perfectly suited in the first place. Having bent over backwards to change for someone in the past, it's something that I would never do again.

What right does someone have to chastise you as an adult for having a couple of drinks after work? Perhaps if you were maggoted within an inch of your life, every day of the week, week in and week out and their was no food in the cupboard for the kids and your house resembled something akin to a pig sty they may have the right to take offence. But a few drinks?

NEXT

Re: Did I misread the opening post or have you only chatted on a few occasions?

Yes we'd only chatted a few times Kyles tis true. But that was enough for me to have a scratch you can't itch sort of feeling deep inside. He has serious issues *issues of his that I don't have* with people who drink. I am a drinker, it just wasn't going to work.

Thanks for the feedback though :)

Yep@Max I'm quite happy to remain single for the rest of my life if all the pieces don't fit.

Don't worry, you can always borrow some of Benj's batteries :lol!:

Gulp. Anyone mind if I start running now?

:lol!: No I have some

New thread topic maybe. The discussion of batteries and the best uses for them

Not that I have a stockpile of AA's or anything :oops:

happy birthday, you littel beauty. Wish i was there to share it with you

Shadowjak

I'm either going mad or I've got serious dejuvu... I just replied to this & it didn't work...

Thanks so much Noel, I wish you were here too darlin'... only a few more months

I really must take you in hand & teach you to post a new thread hehe